Losing focus, running out of steam

I’ve been, again, my usual procrastinating self. “I have plenty of time, the race is only in x weeks! I can take a couple of days/weeks off surely, I’ve worked pretty hard so far, I deserve a bit of a break, right?”

Ugh.

Will I ever learn?

I did the same thing last year, thinking I could complete a triathlon with just a couple of visits to the pool. “There’s still time!” And then the pool changes their opening hours during the summer (or closes altogether), and then you can’t fit it in your schedule… and we all saw how I made a complete sinking fool of myself on race day.

This Sunday, I should have been running my first half-marathon. But it won’t happen. I took a little bit of a break about 5-6 weeks ago, but I’ve never been able to get back into the rhythm. Plagued by headaches, runner’s trots, dehydration, muscle cramps. Laziness. Frustration. I can’t seem to be able to get passed 12km running nowadays, while back in March, I was able to complete a long run beyond 15km the day after riding my bike for 70km with strong head winds. I’ve had my blood checked, everything is A-OK. So there are no other possible explanations for my legs cramps, except poor posture, poor mechanics and basically, my body saying no.

I can’t help but feeling angry at myself for falling off the wagon again. For losing focus, for erasing all the progress and efforts of the first months of this year with this stupid break.

In a way, I know I needed this break. I was beginning to drag myself to my training sessions, not enjoying them for one bit. Because I had to train. It had become a chore, a job, not something I getting any pleasure from. But now I see my goals approaching, and there’s no way out of this: I have to let them go, accept failure, regroup and find new goals. And work hard to achieve them.

So I will run on Sunday, but not the 21,1km I was dreaming of. It sucks, because this race was in my hometown, but it’s ok. I’ll participate next year. Instead, I’ll probably go for the 10K, or maybe even just run an easy 5K, for the heck of it. And I’ve picked a new date for my first half-marathon: 21 September 2014.

As for triathlons, I had 4 races planned for this summer, but I think I’ll keep just one: the one nearby my hometown. It’s a tough one, with 750m swimming, but I love the area where the race is taking place and because it’s so close to home, it just feels right.

And this also means getting back to the gym and focus on muscle strength and endurance (especially my core), something I’ve neglected a lot these past months.